Inflight Suppositories and First Class Face Peel

Flying yesterday DEN-MIA, I worked the first class cabin. We had an elderly (and rather lively) couple seated in 1C&D. Early on I noticed the unmistakable foil packaging (3-pack) of suppositories placed on the armrest console between the seats.  I don’t know why, but I do notice these things.         

 Odd, that they’d be left out like that, right next to the ramekin of cocktail nuts. Maybe as a reminder? I wanted to ask, but some things are better left alone. You know what I mean? I continued to monitor the situation, noticing after Mr. 1C used the lav, only two of the foiled bullets remained.        

Slippery bullets in FC


  Then, during the meal service a laser-like beam began shooting across the cabin. The source was coming from seat 3D, where I could see the bottom half of her face glowing. This while she munched on her salad. Laser Lady held the laser dermatological flashlight gizmo in one hand, and her fork in the other. She later explained the special light is called a “face healer”. Although I thought she said “faith healer”, my flying partner was convinced 3D said face, not faith.         

A short while later, I responded to “ding” (call light from seats 4CD). The lady seated in 4C was now complaining that the laser woman in 3D was accidentally shining her laser-type light in the eyes of 4C&D, causing her temporary blindness, headache, and appetite loss. I’m thinking to myself, it couldn’t possibly be the two glasses of wine on top of the 3 bloody mary’s now could it?         

First Class light show face peel


I explained to 3D that maybe this wasn’t the best time (or place) for her “do it yourself” face peeling laser wand treatments. She turned it off, finished her salad, and pretty much pouted for the remainder of the flight.         

Meanwhile, Mrs. Constipation (1D) was now in the lav.  As I swooped in to pick up their finished meal trays, only one suppository remained on the console.         

Later, as we prepared the cabin for landing, I could only hope that everything came out alright in the end for 1C&D, and that 4C regained her sight and appetite, and 3D still looked (at least) the same age as she did when we left Denver, given the two hour time change.