Hello. Hello? knock-knock. This thing working?

Greetings earthlings and fellow industry worker bees.  This is my first blogging experience.   I’m now “blogging”.  Oh, that has a nice ring to it, now doesn’t it?  Sounds a bit like “snogging”.  And we all know what snogging is.  Hmmm…..  Well, maybe not.  I happen to know “snogging” because of my work as a flight attendant.  Not that flight attendants do a lot of snogging.  Let’s just nip that rumor right in the butt.  Or is it bud?  I never know which.  “Nip it in the butt” or “Nip it in the bud”.  Oh, that reminds me.  Did you hear the one about the proctologist performing an examination on his patient and his nurse comes charging into the room with a cold frothy mug of beer on a tray?  With his patient bent over and bare ass in the air, the startled doctor turns to the nurse and says “no, no, nurse!  I told you I needed a BUTT light!”.

Hmmm, where was I?  Oh yes.  I’m familiar with the term “snogging” because of my worldly exposure to other cultures and customs through my work as a flight attendant.  If you’re not familiar with snogging, I will give you a definition from urbandictionary.com .  Here you go. Snogging~  Contrary to popular American belief, snogging is just kissing- not full on lurve action. Full on kissing, yes- but a snog does not define any other sexual act.  “I got a little snog off him at the end of the night.”

Hmmm….  What’s “lurve” then?  Not familiar with that one.  brb.

Lurve~  When you feel so unbelievably amazing about somebody that love doesn’t seem to do it. It’s the greatest feeling in the world, and you’d take absolutely any opportunity to be with the person you lurve. Staying up late at night thinking about them, staring into their eyes to escape reality, longing to hear their laugh, see their smile, feel their hug, do pleasurable things like gateway sex. You can’t compare lurve to anything else, so unless you lurve someone you can’t imagine the feeling. If you lurve someone, you know.  “Mark knew he lurved Stephanie the first time they met eyes during Mission Impossible 3…he couldn’t look away.”

Well, there you have it.  I guess I’ve never been in “lurve”, and I don’t know Mark and Stephanie.  I’m sure they’re nice people and all, but I can’t understand how they could sit through “Mission Impossible 3”.  I mean, how many missions are impossible?  Honestly, that first mission was nearly impossible to sit through.  Impossible to follow for sure.  I mean, what was the mission anyway?  I never figured it out, and was too embarrassed to ask.  Surely, I’m not the only one.  But I do think I’m feeling something very close to “lurve” when I think of Chip.  Or maybe it’s just trapped gas?  I’ve never been “in love”, but someone with much more experience than I told me the stresses of love gave them acid reflux.  Anyway, it seems I’ve rambled on long enough for my first blogging.  Or is it “blog”?  My first blog is it?
Martha welcomes your comments and suggestions…….

Okay girls. It’s happy hour!