"Martha Stewardess" is a fictional character. Any similarities to persons alive or dead are purely coincidental.
Martha's life partner "Chip" is a fictional character too, existing only in the mind of the author and creator of Marthastewardess.com . Any similarity to a ventriloquist dummy (alive or not so much) is also a coinkidink.
In other words, they're not real.
The airline Martha's creator flies for is a guarded secret. In fact, she/he may not even fly for an airline at all. Who kows? The real person behind Martha might work at the DMV, Krispy Kreme Donuts, the even the CIA.
Please be advised that any comments or opinions expressed by Martha are probably nothing more than Chip's off the cuff remarks, and not at all associated with or representing the non-fictional airline Martha (or Martha's creator) may or may not work for. After all, imaginary Chip is a dummy.
The information provided here is haphazard and tossed together with salad tongs and a prayer. Yes, there may be typos and grammar goofs. Blame Chip, he's the 'goof' proof reader. Remember, what you might interpret as a 'typo' may not be a mistake at all. But then again, maybe it is. However, please understand that some articles are provided by news sources outside of the U.S.. We're asking that you think outside of the box, or maybe even the country.
The author is not aware of any copyright issues or violations. Unless otherwise noted – all photos were found on 'creative commons' under the creative commons license, whatever that is.
Please give our advertisers a run for your money. We are very selective with the types of advertising, services, and products offered here. And we truly appreciate you giving them the business. Click on any of our ads or ad links. Looking is absolutely free!
This blog is for entertainment purposes only. Please address complaints to our complaint department, Attn: Chip.
Thank you. Now, sit back-relax-and enjoy your time with us as we climb to a comfortable cruising altitude of 34,000 feet!
Dear Martha,
My girlfriend (I’ll call her Peggy) has become obsessed with bacon. Not so much consuming it, but wearing it. It’s gotten to the point, I no longer want to be around her. She creates bacon undergarments. Here she is posing in a bacon-bra. She also wears a bacon thong.
I do love Peggy, and imagine spending the rest of my life with her, but I’m not so sure about the bacon bits. Any suggestions Martha?
Signed, the Baconator
Dear Baconator, First of all, thank you for being my very first advice seeker!
Secondly, those are nice slabs! With or without the bacon, the girls are looking good!
I think what’s needed is a bacon intervention, of sorts. Looks like you’ll need the support of her closest friends and family members. Invite everyone to attend a rally for a cause, a retro liberation thing. Make up something, like “free the range chickens” or “imagine whirled peas”. Build a bonfire, and make some noise. Arrange for a few of the women to start chanting “burn your bra!, burn your bra!, like that. When the bra’s start dropping, hopefully Peggy will join in and toss her bacon bra into the flames with the other conventional ‘over the shoulder boulder holders’.
After the activity, carefully remove the now crispy bacon strips from the coals, and make BLT’s for an enjoyable late night snack.
Over sandwiches, you will have an opportunity to tell Peggy exactly how you feel. Hold your pickle, grab her lettuce, special orders won’t upset us!
Hope this helps, and good luck.
Always Martha
Dear Martha and Chip,
You seem to have a wonderful relationship. Do you ever argue? How do you handle problems in the relationship?
Thanks in advance,
VS
Dear ViddlesSosoon,
Chip and I have chemistry similar to other dynamic duo’s, like Kate and Spencer, Fred and Ginger, Wilma and Fred, Batman and Robin.
We make it work because we respect our differences. Chip and I are complete opposites. Chip smokes cigars, and I collect the cotton balls packed inside pill bottles. He sleeps in, I sleep around. He drinks tomato, I drink Clamato. But we never fuss with each other over our differences. It’s more of a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy with us.
My advice to any couple is, “don’t put your eggs in each others baskets!”
Good luck Viddles, and may your relationships not get stale and hard, like day old bread.
Always Martha
Dear Martha, I like the website and information provided.
As a frequent flyer, I’m wondering if you could share some personal in-flight sexual experiences with your readers? Maybe start a thread asking others to share?
Are you a member of the mile high club?
signed, curious in Baltimore.
Dear Curious,
Well, aren’t you the curious one?
I’m not one to mix business with pleasure, if you know what I mean.
And when I’m in uniform, it’s all business. Although I must admit to spicing things up a little now and then.
I’ve been known to raise a few eyebrows (along with my skirt). And I do have a few secrets tucked up my sleeve, or should I say “in my panty hose”?
Let’s just say “on my flights, I’ve had celebrities, politicians, magicians, and even a mortician”.
I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination. Oh, and I encourage readers to share your very personal experiences here. Don’t be shy……..
Martha